go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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