my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Randomize
