I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Randomize
