You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
