she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He passed out mid-signature
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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