I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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