My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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