That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
