turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
