so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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