dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
