Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
