Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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