I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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