well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
