You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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