girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
