I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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