this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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