hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's shark week go big or go home
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
