remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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