I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
