I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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