Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
