i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
