you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
