My hand turned me down
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
