Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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