I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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