my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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