If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Randomize
