im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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