so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
