New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
