This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
