I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
