i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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