she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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