my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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