its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
