You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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