I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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