im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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