chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
