It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This baby is an asshole
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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