I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
