Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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