Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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