I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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