God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
