I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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