i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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