He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
