I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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